Because we are talking about violence against women and not men

Every time we find ourselves explaining the causes behind violence against women in the face of yet another feminicide, a chorus of voices (almost always exclusively male) protests: "why don't we also talk about violence against men?" And again: “Not all men”, This is proof of how a male audience is not willing to assume its responsibilities.
And we are seeing it these days, after the feminicide of Giulia Cecchettin, after her sister Elena, despite facing mourning, found the strength to make a clear analysis on the real causes behind Giulia's death: the hetero-patriarchal system that fuels – and is fueled in turn – by gender inequality and violence.
That system that produces those "good guys" who prepare biscuits for ex-girlfriends but who are also capable of premeditating a feminicide.
An analysis that was not liked by many educated men, who these days try to cling to straws by explaining that "patriarchy has nothing to do with it", that "not all men are feminicides" and finally that "even men suffer violence." What we should understand is that we are not faced with a "war between the sexes", but with a hetero-patriarchal system that grants privileges only to a portion of the population and exposes women or those who do not conform to binary gender expression to risks.
or sexual orientation – and even more so if these people are poor, racialized or minority.
On the day against gender violence, November 25th, it is time to explain once again why the "we never talk about violence against men" argument makes no sense, and once again we will start from the data.
read also Laws and proposals against violence against women, the updated situation in Italy Data on gender violence When we talk about violence against women we are talking about systemic and not episodic violence and this is demonstrated by the data exposed by the president of the Court of Milan Fabio Roia who, in a recent press conference with the prosecutor Letizia Mannella and the president of the fifth criminal section of the Court Elisabetta Canevini, analyzed the data on sexual violence.
The results demonstrate that 92% of those accused of violence are men, a figure that speaks for itself, but that's not all, these data also dispel the racist myth that the right carries forward in this country: 60% of the perpetrators of these crimes are Italian and not "foreign".
Another fact is that the average age is increasingly lower with 45% of crimes committed by under 35s.
These data demonstrate once again not only that Italy has a structural problem of gender violence, where every 72 hours a woman is killed, and that this problem is transversal: there are no generational, social or economic distinctions.
Why we talk about violence against women and not men If the data are not enough – and they are never enough for those who deny that the problem of violence against women is systemic – we need to reflect on what is meant by gender violence in order to understand why there is no mention of violence against men.
The precious reflections of the feminist philosopher Lorenzo Gasparrini come to the rescue, as he pointed out that "violence against men" could be understood as the result of violent behavior which has male victims as victims.
Looking at Istat statistics, however, it emerges that the majority of the perpetrators of these crimes are also men.
So once again the root problem is the expression of a macho society that values violence as it is associated with a value system of virility.
In any case, this type of violence is not gender violence because, explains Gasparrini, "it does not depend on a precise choice towards the victims".
We are not faced with violence enacted only due to specific characteristics of the male gender, which make them vulnerable on certain occasions.
Men, within patriarchal society, have the privilege of not being killed just because they are men, just because they decide about their own lives.
On the contrary, there is violence against men who do not conform to the macho model, violence enacted by men against men: homophobic and transphobic violence against those who "do not behave like a 'real' man".
Furthermore, it is always due to patriarchal society if we don't talk about violence against men, as violence and clashes between males are normal.
Culture that is deconstructed daily by feminist movements that denounce a patriarchal system that harms all women, all non-binary people and also men, stuck in performative mechanisms of virility threatened by another person's "no".
read also How much Italy spends on gender violence Why "not all men" are not enough to be allies Every time that "male violence" is discussed in the face of a case of violence against women, cries of protest are inevitably raised with the typical phrase: “Not all men kill”, or, “not all men rape”; or even “not all men attack or abuse”.
Yet, even if "not all men kill", it is only and always men who commit feminicides.
The point of discussion, in fact, is that violence is a male problem and is – once again let's remember – a structural problem.
The “not all men” rhetoric demonstrates a male audience willing to avoid blame rather than take on the responsibility of deconstructing a patriarchal system that produces violence every day.
This phrase together with "violence against men also exists" is the individual's attempt to remove himself from the discussion, but in doing so they do not address the problem of misogyny, on the contrary that "not all men" is a symptom of a patriarchal culture that draws strength also from the silence of those who do not want to take on collective responsibility, enjoying their privileges in silence.
To be truly allies, men should take on this responsibility, deconstructing a system that generates discrimination on a daily basis, perhaps taking an active part in the "football chats", going against the logic of the herd or the logic of those who minimize violence, trying to raise the voice and being self-aware.
After all, the data speaks clearly: around a third of women in the world have suffered physical or sexual violence at least once in their lives (and only a third of women report it).
And if "not all men" kill, all women and non-compliant people live with the awareness that they could be next on that list of violence, which sees femicide and rape as the tip of the iceberg, but which has its roots in catcalling, gender pay gap, psychological and economic violence.
And until deconstruction also occurs among those who enjoy the privilege of walking down the street at night without fear of being sexually or physically attacked, the patriarchal system will continue to survive.
In the hope that the fight against the hetero-patriarchal-capitalist system will become a fight embraced by all people, we meet in the squares to the angry cry of those who know that it can be the next one: if tomorrow it's me, mother, if I don't come back tomorrow , destroy everything.
If it's my turn tomorrow, I want to be the last.
read also How to stop violence against women